July 2003

"The Road Ahead" is a series of articles written by Manitoba Agriculture, Food and Rural Initiatives staff on issues related to succession planning.

By Jill Falloon, PHEc., Family Living Specialist
Manitoba Agriculture, Food and Rural Initiatives

MANAGING CONFLICT

As decisions are being made about the future of your farming operation, the potential for conflict grows. Communication is a critical factor in determining your family's degree of success. Lack of communication results in family members making assumptions, formulating false expectations, or old hurts resurfacing if they have not been previously dealt with. A history of good family communication will enable you deal with the issue at hand.

Even with good communication, it is common for family members not to agree on certain issues but there are ways to manage conflict effectively and find solutions. Let's look at Dwayne and Kathy as they start to discuss their retirement plans and the future of the farm.

Dwayne and Kathy have two grown children, Bill and Sandra. Their son, Bill lives in the next town with his wife, Sharon and their children where they own and operate a business. Their daughter, Sandra and her husband, Allan, have a small farm in the same municipality as her parents. Sandra works off farm and Allan has been helping his father-in-law with his farming operation.

As the retiring parents, one of Dwayne and Kathy's goals is to have the farm stay within the family. Sandra and Allan have expressed an interest in buying the farm. Bill indicated he would like to be involved in the management decisions for the farming operation. Allan objected to Bill's involvement on the grounds that Bill was not familiar with the day to day operations and this could impair effective decision making.

The whole family has met once to discuss options, but the meeting did not go as well as they hoped. The meeting ended with no resolutions, no agreements and hurt feelings. Kathy was almost certain, at one point, Bill and Allan would come to physical confrontation. What could Dwayne and Kathy do to ensure future meetings will not damage the family relationships further?

Identification of the issues from this first meeting is probably a good start. One of the keys to managing such conflicts is to identify the interests of each party. Interests are the underlying wants, needs, fears, hopes, and/or concerns which motivate us to take a certain position in conflict. Since both Bill and Allan are set in their positions from the initial attempt to resolve the conflict, shifting from positions to interests is crucial for working towards creative solutions that will work for each person in the conflict.

How will Dwayne, Kathy and their children find a solution?

1. Keep control of the meeting.

• Stay focussed and on topic. Challenge ideas and not people.
• Establish other ground rules. (No one can interrupt until the other person has finished talking; everyone gets a turn to talk. Before talking each person has to re-state, in their own words, what the previous person said…)
• Take time out periods. Ten minutes is a good idea if anger, ridicule and/or sarcasm start to take over discussions. Or, have separate meetings if the intensity level is too high.

2. Include each person:

• Have everyone identify the problem, possible causes, and possible solutions including the best one.
• Allow expression of feelings but ensure it does not damage relationships.

3. Ask necessary questions:

• Gather only the information needed to understand people's interests.

4. Listen for interests and issues:

• Separate the people from the problem and interests from positions. Discovering and stating interests allows each person in a conflict to understand what will be needed to create a mutually acceptable and lasting resolution.
• Establish common interests and shared goals. In this situation, transferring the farm to the next generation is one of the common interests-work from there.

The objective is to determine what makes the most sense for the farm's future. Developing creative options for mutual gains and using objective criteria makes decision making easier to arrive at the "best" solution agreeable to everyone. It is also important to remember to judge success by gains and not by losses. Celebrate accomplishments!