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Farming is an occupation but it is also a way of life. Unfortunately the demands of the
farm can put the family under a great deal of pressure, at times, and make you wonder why
you continue to farm. Children may be forced to give up after-school activities for
chores, the mother may feel at everyone's beck and call, and the father may constantly
worry about weather, machinery, and money.
Because many potential problems on the farm are out of your control, your family needs
to identify practical ways of coping. Before you can work on a solution to a problem, you
have to admit that the problem exists.
DON'T LET YOUR WORRIES WORK YOU OVER
The following are ways to cope with ongoing worries or the occasional "boy am
I having a bad day". Here are some suggestions if modern farm living seems too
overwhelming:
- Talk it out. This may be the best way to cope with a situation. Not only does it
open the lines of communication, but it helps to avoid misunderstandings that can lead to
more stress. The need for communication applies to business, family and personal
relationships.
Because a farm is a business, family members (like all employees)
will be much happier if they know what duties are expected of them. All members of the
family should have a say in business planning and decisions, even if one parent has the
final word. If families plan together, they will share in the responsibility for successes
and for failures. (for more information ask for Farm Family
Business Meeting fact sheet).
An example of when open discussions are particularly important is land transfer among
families. Parents may not want to give up their land and authority. But, they must realize
if one of them dies without a proper will, the financial circumstance may force the
selling of the farm.
If the parents can't bring themselves to talk about the matter of inheritance, married
children shouldn't be too embarrassed to ask.
When any problem arises, admitting you are worried about your family or your farm isn't
a sign of weakness. Admitting you are worried is just the first step towards solving the
problem.
Talking it out can also ease the strife common in multi-generational farm life. It is
usually not the domineering in-laws who suffer from tension, but the relatives who are
"too nice" to let their relatives know how they feel about them.
Tactful
honesty among relations is the surest route to family harmony.
- Escape for awhile. Whatever the pressures and the weight of the workload, don't
make the mistake of being a martyr. People who put themselves in this position are
actually indulging in a form of self-punishment. It is important to escape for awhile for
a little release.
During the winter, escaping doesn't have to mean leaving the farm
premises. Escaping from tense moments during the winter could mean developing a new hobby.
"I call it wood therapy", says a former Army sargeant who produces
beautiful pieces of hardwood furniture. Activities such as cooking, collecting or crafts
provide the same kind of therapeutic values.
Escape activities shouldn't be so complex so as to become as stressful as work. Keep it
simple. One farmer says he makes a batch of doughnuts to take his mind off his worries.
Whatever forms of escape are chosen, individuals should recognize that these
activities are meant to provide only a temporary respite.
Daily problems are much more
easily resolved when faced with a clear head.
Choosing healthy and productive forms of escape will enhance physical health, as well
as provide immediate recuperation. The person who jogs as an escape will feel much more
physically alert. But the person who escapes by drinking too much will feel physically
rotten and regretful the following day.
- Work off your anger. Staging a temper tantrum may give you a temporary sense of
righteousness, or even of power, but it will generally leave you feeling foolish and sorry
in the end. The pent-up energy resulting from anger is better used to handle a distasteful
chore, such as cleaning out the hog shed.
After the initial anger, try later to
formulate the anger into words. Anger sometimes is the end result of other feelings - such
as frustration, fear or hurt. Pinpointing the real feelings that led to the anger will
help resolve not only the immediate difficulty, but other problems as well. (for more
information refer to the "Communication Tool Kit").
Anger and love may not seem to have much in common on the surface. But both are very
powerful and most satisfying when they can be felt and expressed in similar ways - openly
and honestly. Far too often, anger is not expressed openly, and that is where problems
begin.
For example, a wife may blow up at her husband for cleaning his ducks in her kitchen.
She is probably not really angry about the duck feathers at all. But she may be venting
her frustration if she feels cooped up in the house having failed to develop enough
outside activities. She may also, be upset because she feels her husband doesn't respect
her or her kitchen.
- Give in occasionally. If you find yourself getting into frequent quarrels with
family or neighbours, or feeling defiant or stubborn, remember that's the way frustrated
children behave.
Even if you are right, it's easier on your system to give in once
in awhile. If you yield, you will usually find that the others will, too.
Take for example the kind of stand-off that might result if a child refused to do his
assigned chore. The child may want to stay after school for sports practice rather than
return home right away to milk cows.
A mutual compromise could result if the stubbornness was dropped. If parents performed
the after-school chores, the child may be more willing to work on weekends. Everyone
should then try to live up to the agreement.
- Do something for others.
If you feel yourself worrying about yourself all the
time, try doing something for somebody else, You'll find this will take the steam out of
your own worries and even better - give you a feeling of having done well.
In
close-knit farm communities, it is not difficult to pinpoint those families who could use
a hand. Where there are farms, there are going to be farm accidents. If a neighbour is
laid up, his family is going to be very appreciative of any helping hand.
If a farm family finishes first with the fall harvest, they might volunteer to help
someone else with combining to help beat the frost. Who knows? Next year the neighbour
could decide to return the favour.
- Take one thing at a time.
For people under tension an ordinary work load can
sometimes seem unbearable. When that happens, remember that it is temporary and you can
work your way out of it.
Take a few of the most urgent tasks and pitch into them, one
at a time, setting aside all the rest for the time being. You'll be in the swing of
things, and the rest of the tasks will go much more easily.
A farm wife may get the feeling of too much to do during the fall harvest. She is
making the meals while produce from the garden freezing and canning. There may also
be cows and chickens to tend to as well as school clothes to mend or buy.
It may be tempting to just do nothing. But after the first chore is successfully
completed, it will be easier to move on to the next. Try not to think too far ahead.
Counting up all the work that needs to be done causes tension in itself.
- Avoid the "Superman" urge.
Some people expect too much from themselves,
and get into a constant state of worry because they think they are not achieving as much
as they should.
Competitive situations among farmers have become more evident within
recent years as a result of fewer farm families being on the land. Farmers face both real
competition, such as bidding for the same land, and normal human competition of trying to
outdo a neighbour.
In rural areas the game of "keeping up with the Jones's" is translated into
who has the biggest or newest tractor or other machinery, who had the biggest crop yields,
or who was able to get the best price for their production. Some of these competitive
urges can be beneficial, as the desire to outdo the other makes for greater productivity.
But competitive feelings left unchecked can lead to divided communities and misuse of
energy.
Survival in agriculture is not necessarily determined by the efficiency, the size, or
even the management of a farm unit. Farm families need to determine if they are really
competing against each other, or if they are competing against factors beyond their
individual control.
Cooperation is a much more satisfactory way to relieve the stresses of modern farming.
Cooperation has proven to be the only way that some rural services can be provided. In
addition, cooperation has also demonstrated itself as a useful economic avenue by which
farmers can (as a group) more effectively cope with the conditions beyond their individual
control.
- Make yourself "available."
Many of us have that feeling that we are
being "left out", slighted, neglected or rejected. Often, we just imagine this,
when in reality others are eager for us to make the first move.
It is much healthier
to continue to "make yourself available" -- to make some of the overtures
instead of always waiting to be asked.
This kind of neglected feeling may affect a young bride new to a farming community. If
local conversations center on homemaking techniques or people she doesn't know, the bride
may feel she will never fit in. If she assumes an uninterested air as a kind of
protection, the local folks may feel she is standoffish.
Why not try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt? It may be that the
individual you have always been wanting to meet has for just as long been wanting to meet
you, too.
- Schedule your recreation.
Many people drive themselves so hard that they allow
themselves too little time for recreation - an essential for good physical and mental
health.
A set routine will help -- a program of definite hours to engage in some form
of recreation. Recreation can include both creative hobbies as well as physical exercise.
As technology has eliminated many of the labourious farm tasks, farm families may feel
the need for more physical activity. If the neighbours are feeling the same way, the time
may be ripe to get everyone involved in games of team play. Softball and volleyball are
good exercise as well as excuses for social events.
Concentrated reading or a mentally-stimulating hobby can also divert thoughts and
worries about the farming operation. Farm families who enjoy nature's broad horizons may
also feel at home with the horizons of art and literature. Their individual worries and
stresses tend to shrink as they explore the broad scope of arts, crafts and literature
available today to the modern farm family.
DON'T FORGET WHY YOU CHOSE THIS WAY OF LIFE
While competing in the modern marketplace, farm families should remember the particular
kind of pleasures that their way of life still affords. You may find moments of happiness
with your family, pets, a reliable piece of machinery, the willing help of a neighbour,
the sound of the diesel tractor starting in the early morning, or the song of a
meadowlark. Many of the pleasures of farming are available to relieve daily tensions.
Families can ice skate on a nearby stream, or take quiet walks through the woods in
summer.
Enjoying these moments can help remind you of the reasons you continue on the land,
whatever the pleasures.
In closing, remember the lyrics to a song of yesteryear:
"When I am worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep ---
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings".
........ Sleep Tight!
| Reference.. |
How to Plan and Produce Farm Stress
Workshops, Mental Health Association
of North Dakota. |
For more information related to this topic ask for the following fact sheets:
For Further Information See Your Local
Manitoba Agriculture,
Food and Rural Initiatives Office.
Prepared by:
Jill Falloon, PHEc
Home Economics Section
915 - 401 York Avenue
Winnipeg MB R3C OP8
Revised 2003
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