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FAMILY VIOLENCE: VIOLENCE IS WRONG AT ANY AGE
A Planned Program for the Manitoba Women’s Institute, Winter 2002
Notes for the Program Convenor or the person conducting the Planned Program
PURPOSE OF THE PROGRAM
To create an awareness and better understanding of the effects of family violence on
citizens of Manitoba of all ages. What are the causes. How can the Manitoba Women’s
Institute members address these issues.
CONVENOR’S DUTIES:
To present information and/or invite a speaker, and/or obtain a video to address one or
more sections in the background paper.
Read the attached background paper and obtain other resources as listed or from your
local women’s shelter, resource centre or local child and family service.
ROLL CALL:
Have members make a statement on families.
or
Have members make a statement on " How I think we can achieve a violence free
society!"
or
Read the following essay:
THE ART OF PARENTHOOD
"Of all the commentaries on the Scriptures, " wrote John Donne, "good
examples are the best".
In practicing the art of parenthood, an ounce of example is worth a ton of preachment.
Our children are watching us live, and what we ARE shouts louder than anything we can SAY.
When we set an example of honesty, our children will be honest.
When we practice tolerance, they will be tolerant.
When we demonstrate good sportsmanship, they will be good sports.
When we meet life with laughter and a twinkle in our eye, they will develop a sense of
humour.
When we are thankful for life’s blessings, they will be thankful.
When we express friendliness, they will be friendly.
When we speak words of praise, they will praise others.
When we confront failure, defeat and misfortune with a gallant spirit, they will learn to
live bravely.
When our lives affirm our faith in the enduring values of life, they will rise above doubt
and skepticism.
When we surround them with the love and goodness of God, they will discover life’s
meaning.
When we set an example of heroic living, they will be heroes.
Don’t just stand there pointing your finger to the heights you want your children to
scale.
Start climbing, and they will follow!
Wilfred A. Peterson
BUSINESS SESSION: Now or after the program.
PRESENTATION:
- Convenor should give a brief outline of what program is attempting to do.
- Have an invited speaker lead a discussion on the topic Or
- Obtain one the suggested video and discuss information contained in the video and
background material. Discuss ways your community could work together to break the patterns
and stop violence.
Family Violence affects us all. We may have experienced or know someone who has or is
still experiencing it. Violence in a family is a complex issue. To understand it we must
look beyond the family to community systems and society’s values and attitudes.
DEFINITION
Family violence is any behaviour by one family member against another which may
endanger that person’s survival, security or well-being. This may include behaviour
between individuals in a close, on going relationship. In the case of the elderly this
will also apply to those providing care.
What most forms of family violence have in common is that they represent an abuse of
power and the violation of a position of trust.
HISTORY OF ABUSE
Twenty years ago, people thought spousal abuse was a rare occurrence, just as in the
years proceeding that child abuse was minimized as something that seldom happened. As each
new form of family violence became recognized, supports became available. The issue of
family violence is no longer viewed as a private family matter. The cost to society and
future generations is now recognized and policies and supports are continually being
developed to protect adults from abusive spouses, children from abusive parents and the
elderly from abusive care givers. New forms of family violence however, continue to be
revealed, such as the abuse of parents by their adolescent children.
The common thread in all the different types of abuses is “abusers
victimize the people they see as vulnerable".
The cost of violence in our society is too high. Whether it is violence against women,
children or the elderly. Health costs alone for health problems caused by abuse amount to
over a billion dollars every year.
The social cost effects all ages. We have children too traumatized to learn or deal
normally. Adult victims unable to function to their full potential and diminished quality
of family and community life.
SOME CAUSES OF FAMILY VIOLENCE
1. Stress
Family violence can result from overwhelming stress. When the personal or material
resources of the family become overloaded, despair and frustration sometimes trigger
violent or abusive behaviour. For example: loss of crops, death of loved one, stressful
care giving for long periods of time, loss of job, severe health problems. This kind of
abuse could happen in any family. It does not usually persist and become part of the
family’s ongoing pattern.
2. Family Pattern
In some families, abuse is persistent and part of an ongoing pattern. This type of
family abuse continues over an extended period of time and becomes the “normal”
pattern of how family members relate to one another.
Two different types of families where persistent abuse is part of an ongoing pattern:
- Families in which extreme control is exercised by one or more persons using intimidation
or force to make other family members comply with the controlling person(s)
- Families with no consistent structure, where chaos and instability are typical, and
where abuse is used by any or all family members as an expression of anger or means of
controlling family members.
Research shows that maltreating parents often have had little exposure to positive
parental models and supports, and their family backgrounds are often difficult and marked
by violence, alcoholism and harsh family circumstances. They find daily living stressful
and irritating and thus prefer to avoid potential sources of support because additional
energy is needed to maintain social relationships, in addition, spouse abuse is more
likely to co-occur with child maltreatment. It is estimated that 30% to 60% of families in
which there is either child maltreatment or wife abuse, the other form of violence also
occurs (Edleson 1999)
Effects of violence on children:
The 1999 General Social Survey (GSS) on victimization, reported that children heard or
saw one parent assaulting the other in an estimated 461,000 households. Further, the
National Longitudinal Survey of Children & Youth (1999) found that children who are
exposed to adult, or teenagers physically fighting in the home were more likely to exhibit
physical aggression, indirect aggression, emotional disorders, hyperactivity and to commit
delinquent acts against property.
Many parents assume that their children were asleep or playing during a violent episode
and therefor unaware of the event. In a majority of cases this was not true. None of the
surveys measured the extent of children’s awareness or the effect of emotional abuse
such as verbal insults.
In half of all cases of wife assault witnessed by children, the women feared for their
lives or were physically injured. In 21% of cases, victims suffered injuries requiring
medical attention and in 14% they were hospitalized. 4 in 10 suffered repercussions
serious enough to require them to take time off their daily activities to cope with the
violence. The consequences of spousal violence for male victims were less severe though
one in four male victims were physically injured or took time off daily activities and one
in eight feared for their lives. (1999 GSS)
SIBLING ABUSE
The most common and overlooked form of family violence is sibling abuse. Generally
referred to by the general public as a “normal part of growing up” (Gelles and
Straus, 1988), sibling violence is hardly a trivial issue. Most of the violent acts
consisted of slaps, pushes, kicks, bites and punches; however, it is estimated that three
out of every one hundred used weapons to harm a sibling. Obviously sibling violence needs
to be taken much more seriously, especially in Canada where the “selective
inattention” (Dexter, 1958) given to this problem is much more salient than it is in
the United States. We do know that girls are less violent than boys and that sibling
violence decreases as children get older (Gelles and Cornell, 1985)
ABUSE OF PARENTS BY THEIR TEENAGE CHILDREN
The newest form of family violence that is finally being openly discussed and
recognized is the abuse of parents by their adolescent children. (Parent Abuse: The Abuse
of Parents by Their Teenage Children Barbara Cottrel 2001)
Like abuse of the elderly and other forms of violence, it is very difficult to pin
point because of the reluctance of victims to talk about it and because most research has
focused on spousal abuse, Counsellors, social workers and other professionals continue to
hear from clients more and more anecdotal evidence on this form of family violence
Although many professionals believe that boys tend to be more physically violent toward
their parents than girls, research from the above document indicated that both boys and
girls participate in all forms of abuse. Further, professionals believe that the
foundation of abusive behaviour begins long before the children are teenagers. Most of the
parents interviewed said the abuse began when the child was between 12 and 14. Some
parents were aware that their children exhibited signs of violent behaviour at an earlier
age (four or five years) but initially viewed the behaviour as a “tantrum”
rather than abuse. Teenagers’ greater physical size may make them more threatening,
and parents then begin to identify the child’s behaviour as abusive.
Sometimes youth who are abusive toward their parents have themselves been victims of
physical, sexual and /or emotional abuse. This may have occurred within their nuclear or
extended family, or outside the family altogether. Some teens are not the direct victims
of violence but may have witnessed it in their homes. It is recognized that children who
witness violence are at a greater risk of developing behaviour problems, such as
aggression with peers, non-compliance with adults, destructive behaviour, and conflict
with the law.
Our society is becoming more violent. Although there is concern about children seeing
violence, no research of the effects of growing up with hours of violent television has
been published. We see evidence of violence on the streets, in the classroom, and in our
homes. Violent homes can produces violent children, who may someday be violent to their
parents either in their middle age, or when they are vulnerable seniors.
SPOUSAL ABUSE
The government of Manitoba spends approximately 9 million dollars each year for
services and shelters for battered women included in this amount are some non- mandated
services for men who batter. Additional funding is made available from the Department of
Justice for treatment programs for incarcerated offenders, the Family Violence Court,
women’s advocacy programs etc. Statistics Canada 2001 reported significant increases
in the percentage of female spousal violence victims who reported the violence to the
police, and in the percentage who contacted a social service for help. Some of the reasons
given for this increase was the improved training for police officers and crown attorney,
increased treatment programs for violent men and positive changes in women’s social
and economic status that may enable them to leave abusive relationships. One of the most
important changes was in societal attitudes that recognize wife assault as a crime.
ABUSE OF THE ELDERLY
Approximately 4% of older adults living in private homes reported experiencing abuse or
neglect. The most prevalent mistreatment reported was financial abuse. Available
information on prevalence is understated because abused older adults are reluctant to
identify themselves. (Abuse and Neglect of Older Adults 1999)
Older adults who live with someone are more likely to be abused than those who live
alone. Those who live with grown children or other care givers are more likely to be
abused than those who live with a spouse.
The Manitoba “Protection for Persons in Care Act” was proclaimed in 2001.
Under the Act, all service providers or other persons, in health care facilities, who have
a reasonable basis to believe that a patient is , or is likely to be, abused must promptly
report the belief and the information on which it is based, to the minister or the
minister’s delegate. The Act also provides legislated authority to ensure that
reports of abuse in health facilities are examined and reviewed by an investigator. The
Protection for Persons in Care office is in Winnipeg with a reporting line. In Winnipeg
786-6366 and toll free 1-866-440-6366. This Act does not cover or offer protection to
vulnerable persons in the community at this time.
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE:
If we want to prevent family violence we must all play a part. Educating people to
recognize and name abuse is essential to stopping abuse. Individually and as an
organization you can help stop and prevent family violence.
Community Awareness
- Raise the awareness of your community through the distribution of information. There are
numerous pamphlets available for distribution at no cost. You could order a supply on each
topic and distribute them to doctor’s offices, laundromats, churches and other groups
and organizations in your community. Pamphlet sources include: your nearest Child and
Family Service Office, your nearest shelter, the Manitoba Seniors
and Healthy Aging Secretariat at 945-6565
or toll free 1-800-665-6565, the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence 1-800-267-1291
Fax (613) 941-8930.
- Organize a one-day workshop. This one-day workshop could help to bring the issues out
into the open particularly the new emerging issue of parent abuse. Police officers, social
workers, therapists, community health nurses and others may be interested in getting
together to talk about various topics. Often, when people begin to pool their experiences,
they find that collectively they have a great deal of knowledge. For example, the local
shelter may be willing to organize one stream on spousal abuse, the Seniors Directorate
may be willing to work with the local seniors group on an abuse of the elderly stream or
someone from the office for protection of persons in care. Your local Child and Family
Service office may assist with a stream on child protection. You could cover all four
issues or you could pick one only to focus on.
- Donate toilet bags to your local women’s shelter. Plastic zip bags containing small
shampoo and conditioner, soap, comb, tooth brush and tooth paste, deodorant, mouthwash and
face cloth are welcome gifts for women coming into shelter. Bubble bath and/or bath oil
are nice additions, also small writing pads and pens.
- Encourage families with parenting problems to seek help, enroll in parenting classes and
recognize violent behaviour for what it is.
INFORMATION RESOURCES
Printed version of all publications can be ordered for free from:
National Clearinghouse on Family Violence
Family Violence Prevention Unit
Population and Public Health Branch
Health Canada Tunney’s Pasture, Ottawa, Ontario K1A 1B4 (address Locator 190701)
Toll free 1-800-267-1291
Your local library should also have copies of the following:
Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile 2001
Parent Abuse: The Abuse of Parents by Their Teenage Children ( Barbara Cottrell 2001)
Breaking the Pattern: How Communities Can Help
Prevention of the Abuse of Seniors -Canadian Training Guide.
Fact Sheets On Wife Abuse the Impact on Children, Wife Abuse, Dating Violence, Abuse and
Neglect of Older Adults.
VIDEO RESOURCES
The Crown Prince - (1989) National Film Board of Canada This 37 minute video can be
ordered through the National Film Board or copies of this film may be ordered from the
provincial library.
Video depicts the feelings and problems of two children who live in a home where their
mother is a victim of wife assault.
Prepared for Manitoba Women's Institute by
Dorothy Hill
Retired Program Manager for
the Manitoba Seniors and Healthy Aging Secretariat
Paradise Village |
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