Information for Families

There is help.
There is hope.
You are not alone.

It is traumatic to find out that a family member or friend has an eating disorder. You may feel overwhelmed and very alone. It is important to remember that there is help, there is hope and, also, there are many other families dealing with similar issues. Eating disorders are treatable illnesses and knowledge about effective treatment continues to grow. There are things that you can do to help your loved one, yourself and other family members get through this difficult time.

• It is not your fault.
• How family members often feel
• What can families do to help?
• Where can I find out more about eating disorders?
• Are there support groups in Manitoba for families and friends?
• Where can I find treatment for my family member?

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It is not your fault.

Eating disorders can happen in any family. No one asks to get an eating disorder – no one is to blame. The factors that may contribute to eating disorders are varied and can include any number of the following:

• Excessive dieting
• Biology predisposition
• genetic predisposition (to depression, anxiety, addictions, eating disorders)
• traumatic life experiences
• difficulty adjusting to life transitions
• low self-esteem
• personality; perfectionistic tendencies
• limited range of coping abilities
• pressure to meet societal standards for beauty magnified through media
• pressure related to athleticism/performance

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How Family Members Often Feel

As is the case with many illnesses, when a family member is struggling with an eating disorder it has an affect on the entire family. There are a range of emotions and feelings commonly reported by family members, including:

• feelings of anger, which may be directed at the individual with the eating disorder or at themselves for not being able to fix the problem. At times, anger may also be directed toward health professionals for not helping the individual to recover faster.
• a deep concern for the person with the eating disorder. It is difficult to see a family member or friend engage in self-destructive behaviours, and not know how to help.
• feelings of guilt may be experienced. Family members may wonder what they have done to contribute to the problem. The guilt may be further accentuated by friends, neighbours, and even health care providers who may imply that parents must have done something wrong to bring on this eating disorder.
• fear of completely losing family members or friends, as the eating disorder takes over more and more of their life.
• temporary feelings of mistrust and conflict, as the person with an eating disorder may have repeatedly covered up destructive behaviours.

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What can families do to help?

There are a range of things families and friends can do keep themselves and their relationships as healthy as possible. The following are a few ideas to keep in mind.

Do:

• maintain a normal relationship with your family member or friend, and avoid allowing it to become all about the eating disorder (ex: whether food has been eaten, or weight has been lost/gained).
• understand that the person may be ambivalent about getting well and be fearful of giving up the control and rituals of the disorder.
• give age-appropriate opportunities for choice or decision making in the routines of daily life wherever possible – and encourage the person to assume responsibility for decisions made.
• encourage your family member to get an assessment from a practitioner experienced in eating disorders. In the case of a child, insist on an assessment.
• inform yourself about the disorders and the treatment.
• realize there is no quick and easy solution.
• collaborate with other caregivers.
• seek out ways to provide family members with the support they need (ex: individual help for family members, family support groups).
• examine your feelings and thoughts about disordered eating.
• make time for yourself, spouse, friends and other family members.
• remember to provide yourself with rest, freedom from worry and fun.

In order to help family functioning be as positive as possible and to minimize struggles over food and eating, there are things family members can try to avoid.

Avoid:

• coercing/bribing someone to eat, as this may be counterproductive. Use firmness and confidence, but not force. Consult a treatment team for advice.
• spending an unusual amount of time accommodating individual food preferences or fears.
• making love or approval a condition of the individual’s appearance, health, weight, achievement or any other attribute.
• making family celebrations all about food. Try to select activities and events that are not meal or food-focused.
• commenting – positively or negatively – on appearance or weight.
• imposing rules except those which are necessary for individual or family safety and well-being.
• dwelling on blame or feelings of guilt – you will need your energy to care for yourself and your family member or friend. Remember that, at any given moment, most people are doing the best that they can.

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Where can I find out more about eating disorders?

The following are some websites that provide information on body image, disordered eating and eating disorders:

• Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders Inc. (ANRED)
• Eating Disorder Association (UK)
• Mirror-Mirror
• National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) or toll free 1-866-633-4220

Recommended Reading for Family and Friends

• Ball, J and Ball, R. (1995). Eating Disorders: A Survival Guide for Families and Friends. Moorebank: Doubleday.
• Friedman, S. (1997). When Girls Feel Fat: Helping Girls through Adolescence. Toronto: Harper Collins.
• Katzman, D.K., & Pinhas, L. (2005). Help for Eating Disorders: A Parent’s Guide to Symptoms, Causes and Treatments. Robert Rose, Inc.
• Kirkpatrick, J., Campbell, P. (2004). Eating Disorders – Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, Binge Eating and Others. Toronto: Key Porter Books
• Lock, James, Le Grange, Daniel. (2005). Help your teenager beat an eating disorder. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
• Natenshon, Abigail H. (1999). When your child has an eating disorder. San Fransisco: Jossey-Bass Inc.
• Pipher, Mary. (1996). Reviving Ophelia. New York: Doubleday
  Treasure, J. (1999). Anorexia nervosa: A survival guide for families, friends and sufferers. East Sussex, Psychology Press Ltd.

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Are there support groups in Manitoba for families and friends?

The following organizations offer support for family members and friends of those with an eating disorder:

Disordered Eating Program Specialist at Winnipeg Regional Health Authority (Winnipeg)
The Disordered Eating Program Specialist can provide families with information about family support groups that are connected with the child and adolescent and adult eating disorders programs offered by the Winnipeg Regional Health Authority. E-mail ewatson1@wrha.mb.ca or phone 1-204-940-2653.

Canadian Mental Health Association – Eating Disorders Self-Help Program (Winnipeg)
4 Fort Street, Suite 100
Winnipeg, MB R3C 1C4
phone 1-204-953-2358
Email: eatingdisorders@cmhamanitoba.ca
Visit: www.manitoba.cmha.ca

Boundary Trails Public Health Department – Lending library (Winkler/Morden)
Phone 1-204-331-8832

Mental Health Education Resource Centre
4 Fort Street, Suite 100
Winnipeg, MB R3C 1C4
In Winnipeg phone: 1-204- 953-2355
Toll Free 1-866-997-9918
info@mherc.mb.ca

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Where can I find treatment for my family member?

Manitoba Health has compiled an inventory of treatment resources in Manitoba, organized by regional health authority.